Articles Tagged with “divorce with children”

Little girl on the country fence.jpgThere are manuals to parenting. There are manuals to divorce. Then there are manuals to parenting through and after divorce. While manuals are practical for those who have time to sit and read them day after day, many of our readers are on-the-go people with kids, pets, and jobs. After sifting through our experiences and the resources available to us, we narrowed parenting after divorce down to 5 quick tips that will improve your outlook on the choices you make as a parent.

1. Have faith that things will work out.

Most blogs might save this one for last – it’s that “feel good” phrase that’s supposed to get you through each day. But sometimes, your faith will be shaken. This phrase won’t work. You won’t believe in yourself. The good news is: you don’t always have to. Find an outlet for yourself that can restore that faith. Whether that’s a church group, a best friend, or simply your favorite soundtrack, it’s imperative for you to realize that you’re not alone. Use your support network to find the faith that others have in you.

suitcases.jpgIf you are planning to divorce, as a parent you have many concerns, the first of which may be how to tell your children. If you are in counseling, your therapist may have several suggestions for sharing the news with your children and preparing them for the transition during and after the divorce. You may also want to consider working with a divorce coach or parenting coordinator depending upon the nature of co-parenting or custody concerns you are facing. Seeking advice from experienced, specific support resources can make a significant difference in your and your children’s ability to cope and adapt. The decision to divorce is only one step in a series of changes and modified plans that will vary as your children grow and you and your ex’s lives change (relocation, remarriage, etc), so preparing now can help you avoid being mired in adversity and litigation, which will risk financial and emotional collapse for your family.

If counseling isn’t a viable option for you (don’t assume it isn’t within your financial means as many therapists work on a sliding fee scale), there are a number of online resources including www.uptoparents.org and www.coparenting101.org which have blogs, discussion boards, videos, radio broadcasts and even worksheets and exercises which can help you become more child-centered and focus on co-parenting. With advice from experts and other parents who’ve been there, you can mine the information that is best for your particular situation.

You may also want to consider reading one of the numerous divorce guides or books with advice for divorcing parents. In determining which books are best for preparing your children, there are actually only a few which are based on solid knowledge and psychological research about how children and adolescents respond to the separation of their parents. Some which are recommended are: ‘Mom’s House, Dad’s House for Kids: Feeling at Home in One Home or Two’ by Isolina Ricci; ‘The Truth About Children and Divorce: Dealing with the Emotions so You and Your Children Can Thrive’ by Robert E. Emery, or ‘For Better or For Worse: Divorce Reconsidered’ by E. Mavis Hetherington and John Kelly.

child dad.jpgRecently, NPR ran a story about the push to change custody laws in many states. The new measures favor equally shared custody for most parents after divorce. Supporters argue that if the parents are deemed fit and there is no domestic violence or abuse issues, joint custody should be favored in divorce cases. There are studies that indicate that children do better when they regularly see both parents. Why not mandate joint custody?

It is always true that when there is conflict between parents, there is a negative impact on the child(ren). Perhaps implementing state-mandated joint parenting plans for parents going through a divorce would reduce conflict in some divorce cases. As family law attorneys, we stand behind measures that focus on the best needs of the child. We consistently coach clients on how to keep their children’s needs first when going through a divorce. It is critical for each parent to be positive about the other parent, at least in front of the children, and encourage that child to have a relationship with the other parent. Obviously, there are exceptions in cases where abuse is involved.

The application of this theory is a little more complicated and must be designed to focus on what is best for the child(ren) NOT the parents. What if the parents don’t live near each other? What if the parents just cannot get along? What if the children have chaotic after school schedules? There are so many scenarios that it would be hard for a sweeping mandate to address every situation.

For the second time in 20 years, Sesame Street tackles the tough topic of divorce. The first effort, in 1992, was never aired due to the segment not passing the viewing test. However, now the children’s iconic show has distributed a new divorce segment. This week, Sesame Workshop will debut the 13-minute segment online — part of a massive multimedia kit called Little Children, Big Challenges: Divorce, which includes a storybook (Two Hug Day), a guide for parents and an app.

With over 40% of marriages ending in divorce, and many happening in families of preschoolers, the show may be giving children and their parents tools to help deal with this emotional and confusing topic.

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